Eusoff Night Cycling 2015

After an entire year of unending butt-conditioning and endurance training, it was yet again time for Eusoffians, young and old, to fight the ultimate war. The war where butt-cheeks would be sickeningly questioned and calories would be mercilessly shed. It is in this war, where only the fittest will survive, and the weak will be left to die (So much for #Oneusoff…). Eusoff Night Cycling was just about to begin in the dark and hazy moonlit night.

Soon enough, wave by wave, the troops departed our bEHloved kEHgdom straight towards the forgotten lands of ECP-the Elongated Cyclists’ Pit, not knowing when they would once again return to the place they call home. The long but(t) comfortable bus ride towards the other end of the universe was indeed one that was worth treasuring, a mere relaxation for the worst that is yet to come. Despite the fear, everyone knew that eventually, the gears had to be churned and the wheels just had to be turned. An entire night of ass-torturous cycling was just about to begin.

One brave soul anticipating the challenge that nightfall will bring

On further investigations by star-studded reporters Raimie and Huiqi, it was apparent that each individual block deployed its own unique tactics and strategies to fight this long and tiresome battle. Some of those tactics were subtle yet effective, while some of them were conspicuous, with the obvious intention of showboating their intelligence (or lack thereof) to the other blocks.

A Block, perhaps still scarred by the IBG defeat they suffered earlier this year, decided to boost the block’s morale by throwing a birthday celebration for two of the A2 girls, Xiaoen and Jezebel, right before flag-off! Balloons were even tied to the bikes of the girls, in the hope of helping them float through the journey, how very intelligent of them! After singing the birthday song, it was clear that the A blockers’ spirits were lifted and they were finally ready for the long ride ahead of them. The wounds from IBG were finally healed!

B block on the other hand, confident as ever before the journey, unfortunately had to fall prey to some black magic from unknown sources. They experienced, first hand, the wrath of the cursed rock. During the recce trip, the evil rock instigated Vanessa from SPT to tumble down from her bike, scraping her beautiful knees. Not only that, it was like as if she was possessed as she kept defending herself by saying that the stone ‘attacked’ her instead. But it’s okay Vanessa, we understand. On the actual day, the sneaky rock came back to haunt them and caused another B blocker to fall. Creepy, isn’t it?

Night cycling took a heavy toll on the B blockers and they obviously lacked the stamina that A blockers had, as evident from them crashing the moment they stepped foot on the bus. A blockers happily took pictures of the shag faces of B blockers, as proof that indeed only the strongest would survive. As I said, the wounds from the defeat at IBG have indeed been healed. Well done, A Block! :)

And then there was D Block, where Tyn was deployed as the lookout man, whose role was to constantly keep a lookout for the destination and voice out to everyone once he sees it. But apparently Tyn wasn’t tynking straight and decided to stand on the frame of the bicycle while the roads were rocky. He ended up crumbling onto the ground instead like a bunch of tyn cans. ‘Squidward’ from D Block was however much smarter than Tyn. Feeling the fatigue right in his legs, he had an idea. He decided to offload one of his bicycle’s pedals, reducing the overall weight of his bicycle, allowing him to propel forward at great speeds. It was an extremely unorthodox tactic indeed.

As the first rays of dawn spread across the night sky, all troops managed to arrive at the destination safe and sound. Eusoff Night Cycling had once again come to an end and everyone headed back to their bEHloved kEHgdom, fully deserving of a good rest. The wait for next year’s night cycling has just begun.