CAPTAINS OF EUSOFF
TRACK
Written by: Tay Tyn Long
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Ivan Koh
22 Oct 2015
Four people working in unison to bring one long and hard 11-inch stick to the finish. Some start strong and lose steam by the end; others never quite hit the rhythm or just don’t have the technique. In this race to the finish line, Eusoffians dominate, going hard and strong until the all-important stick reaches the finish. Huh! This is starting to sound like the 50th shade of yellow!
Don’t take this reporter wrongly, he is merely describing what happens on the last event of IHG - Track! Whether 100, 200 or 400m, Female, Male or Mixed, Eusoff Track team has the same goal in mind - run hard, run strong and bring home the gold. As the final event of IHG, Track plays a crucial role in IHG every year as it can be the deciding factor as to whether titles are lost and won on those red grounds.
The man taking the helm and having to tank this vast amount of pressure this year is Liam “Slenderman” Ting Wei! This nickname not only comes from the resemblance to the urban legend in his lanky frame but also from his uncanny ability to overtake his opponents… even when they think they’ve finally escaped his clutches. Standing at 188cm tall, his impossibly long strides matches twice of everyone else’s, causing opponents to fall into despair even before they come close to the finishing line!
Ting Wei getting ready to overtake his opponents with his extremely long and slender legs.
Even so, our Track captain possesses a fatal weakness that he confided to this reporter: his only motivation to run faster comes when “other people running faster”. Thus, to achieve even greater speeds, Ting Wei actually lets his opponents take the lead so as to challenge himself! This reporter bows down with utmost respect, and is glad of his own mediocrity as it sure must be boring to not have challenges all the time!
Despite his uncanny physical resemblance to Slenderman, Ting Wei’s personality could hardly be more different: the greatest danger this cheery fellow poses is causing a crick in your neck from looking up to him for too long during conversations. Still, if you see a tall figure at the end of a hallway at 4am… Let’s just say there have been no peeping tom incidents in D block since he moved away. *wink*
This isn’t Ting Wei’s first rodeo though. Last year, after taking over as track captain under rather unfortunate circumstances, he managed to lead the team to an exhilarating 2nd place finish in the track meet, which also saw our ladies topping TH as overall female champs! Despite that, this isn’t quite enough for Liam: on request, he outlined a hellish schedule of sprints, intervals, drills and stairs trainings that had this reporter’s quads hurting just by listening to it. *gulps*
The most important part though, comes next. As part of the effort to claim IHG champs once more, Ting Wei has finally decided to release the secret to his height. “Drink more milk!” said our very own Slenderman, and it seems like he can certainly be an ambassador for milk products. Perhaps we can have more cartons of milk served during breakfast, Kenny?
Unfortunately for the ladies, Ting Wei is very happily attached. Still, as this reporter left the interview he had one last thing to say, something that has haunted this reporter before: “I like grapes.” The feeling of déjà vu hit this reporter… where had he heard that statement before?
Guess who else likes grapes? Trug captain Tay “Handsome” Yu Jie! This is one reporter who doesn’t believe in coincidences, and further digging is required here. Upon further investigation through the grapevine (as a qualified reporter, this doesn’t count as stalking), this reporter discovered that Yu Jie and Ting Wei indeed have known each other for a long while still back in Hwa Chong.
Friends? Or MORE!???
What implications does this shocking revelation have? (Warning, R21 content ahead) Does this mean that our captain Yu Jie loves the same grapes that Ting Wei does? Did they shop for the grapes at the same grocery store in Coronation? Do they enjoy sharing each other’s grapes? Or do they prefer munching on their own or *gasp* each other’s grapes? The images are not pleasant. Methinks this investigation has gone as far as it needs to, and one’s imagination will fill up the rest.
Nevertheless, despite the captain’s grape-munching tendencies, I believe that that our Trackers will be doing us proud under his stewardship. When the time comes during IHG, our runners will need your help and support to go long and hard. Will you be there?
Signing off,
SMC Publications
SEPAK TAKRAW
Written by: Nicholas Yong
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Kevin Yeong
21 Oct 2015
After a rattan ball landed on this inquisitive reporter’s head many times during the interview, a few choice expletives came to mind. This surprisingly deceptive ball is sure to cause many unsuspecting beginners a world of hurt. Introducing Sepak Takraw, a fundamentally straightforward sport that requires years of practice to achieve mastery and the King Nyugen of all Nyugens leading the Eusoff Takraw team this year - Captain Nguyen Le Minh Dat!
There are 3 positions in Takraw – Striker, Tekong and Setter and the rules of the game are simple. Each team has 3 touches to get the ball over the net with any body part except the hands. When the ball touches your side of the court, a point is conceded. The game, on the other hand, is a complex mix of tactics and technique – roll spikes, bicycle overhead kicks and general finesse all come to mind. This reporter certainly wonders how Takraw players train their flexibility and acrobatic skills? He shall leave it to the vivid imagination of those who get creative with ideas (as well as certain primal urges). *wink*
While this sport is traditionally dominated by “lepak” peoples who strongly value their corners, things are different in Eusoff, where another demographic forms the bulk of the Takraw team. Thus, it certainly isn’t uncommon to hear the littering of “Adit” or “Vai Lon” even all the way at E block when a typical Eusoff Takraw training session is ongoing. This reporter immediately picked up quite a few “useful” Vietnamese phrases just by watching Eusoff’s Takraw training! This Vietnamese Takraw stronghold comprises the “King Nyugen” Captain Dat leading players like Freshie Dat, Eusoff Fossil Alan Nguyen, museum exhibit Khoa(la bear) and many many more Nguyens from the land of Nguyens.
“King Nyugen ” Captain Dat showing this reporter what it takes to be a highly respected Striker.
Surprisingly, the Malay represent is meagre, with Rifqi whose forehead is so high he specializes in headers, and judging from his spoken accent, Mohamad Messi “Ong Zhi Hao” Bin Abdul Rahim. It seems like the numbers don’t add up, given that since there are four corners in a Takraw court, surely more of them could be accommodated!
Throughout the interview, this reporter can indeed feel our highly respected Striker’s burning desire to squash the Annoying Oranges and Blue Walruses this year. Winning it will be all the more sentimental for Captain Dat, as the year 4 veteran looks to be finding a potential successor to his throne next year.
Upon further investigation done by this reporter, his roommate disclosed that Dat has had it rough, in more sense than one. He originally tried for Soccer in year 1 but eventually found his calling in Sepak Takraw. He struggled to shine in his first 2 years, so much so that he took a brief hiatus in the sport. It was only at year 3 where his hard work began to pay off and he improved drastically. Delayed gratification at its best. Good things are worth waiting for, much respect captain Dat!
“He is a very deep person,” an anonymous source chuckles as this reporter finds out more about Captain Dat. But what is deep about Dat, though, is for us to know and for you to find out. *smirk* The anonymous source revealed that Dat has random bouts of stargazing while engaging in certain deep thoughts at 3am in the morning. So guys, don't be alarmed if you guys see a mysterious figure wandering along C4 corridor late at night!
Will Eusoff Takraw grab the headlines in this year’s edition of IHG? Only time will tell, but all looks well and good in the Takraw team. Not even a PSI of 240 can stop the boys from buckling down and training hard. This reporter has confidence in the world that such grit will eventually reap its benefits in January.
Signing off,
SMC Publications
SOFTBALL
Written by: Brenda Leong
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Ivan Koh
20 Oct 2015
Basketball is named basketball because you shoot the ball into the basket. Football is named football because your foot makes contact with the ball. Softball is named softball because the ball is soft… Right???
WRONG.
Softball is named softball because the ball is softer than those used in baseball, but they are still pretty darn hard. Who knew something meant to be soft could still be so hard??? Well, even though this sport has been grossly misnamed, our Eusoff Softball team still excel at wrapping their hands around balls and long hard bats. The leading woman this year is none other than captain “First Lady” Jolene Tan!
This reporter once thought that the title of First Lady was given to Jolene because of the regal face she gives while playing the game but was embarrassingly and gravely mistaken! Determined to get things right, this reporter went to great lengths to try to meet this elusive First Lady, but to no avail. Her secretary said that appointments with her are filled up for the next 3 months, with special pardon only for the President. *wink*
With no luck to meet this honorable First Lady Jolene face to face, this reporter ended up having to conduct an online interview with her. Did you know this member of royalty has been committed to Softball since the age of 13? Apparently no other sport in her old school wanted her – only softball gave her a chance. How can anyone reject a member of the royalty?! This turned out to be a good choice, or we won’t have royal blood ruling over our Eusoff team today.
Check out Jolene's royal game face!
It seems like being captain of Softball is simply not enough to showcase the talents of our First Lady Jolene, so she was invited to join as a pioneer member of Eusoff Dance Club as well. All Eusoffians should watch this lady Eagle strut her stuff on stage; rumour has it that she still possesses that regal aura and maintains her “Queenly” face even when dancing.
Softball has been described by Jolene to be a “beautiful game” because “there are so many things I can learn, so many tactics, strategies and deception involved”, which keeps her curiosity piqued and hunger for the game insatiable. Neighboring animal exhibits should beware, however, for this particular Eagle knows mind-games as well as she knows her mate. As a Psychology major, the First Lady can predict opponent movements even before they conceive of them themselves (what else those Blue Walruses are able to conceive remains to be seen). Some say that she was nearly evicted from the X-M(eh)n because of her extraordinary mind-over-matter powers!!
This reporter also asked the First Lady what she thought about her newly-joined royal subjects (aka her freshies). Visibly flummoxed, Jolene finally decided on one after repeating the politically perfect answer, “All my freshies legit not bad leh, can I don’t choose? I feel bad.”
The First Lady’s choice: Jen-U! This once-sailor is someone who always comes for trainings diligently. Whether it is out of a desire to improve his ball game, or because he wants to get to know a certain cute girl show her talents on the field – his attendance has never been below 100%! One should never underestimate the power of love. Perhaps it is seeing Jen-U’s drive to chase after what (and who) he wants that has encouraged the other freshmen to come for trainings (to the extent that they leave class early for it shhhhh) or perhaps it is a aura and charm of our beloved First Lady captain.
This year, it appears that the Blue Walruses may put up a big fight against the Yellow Eagles. While the Eagles certainly hold the upper hand as the evidently better animal, this reporter would like to remind the First Lady to remain focused and not be distracted by the legendary “flash of blue” that sparked the highest ever number of likes and comments on Channel EH! *wink*
Signing off,
SMC Publications
ULTIMATE FRISBEE
Written by: Christine Fu
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
19 Oct 2015
Are you one of those who think that you know exactly what Ultimate Frisbee is? “Aiya it’s just a simple game of fetch la!” “A frisbee with the word ‘ultimate’ painted on it lor!” Sorry folks, try again. Don’t be deceived guys, Ultimate Frisbee is much much more complicated than that! You may say, “hoseh liao, how to support IHG like that?” Fret not, this reporter is here to educate all you Eusoffians about the exciting, fast-paced game of Ultimate Frisbee, with the help of Eusoff’s Frisbee captain this year - Melvin “Meme Expert” Ong!
Let’s start with some rules of Ultimate Frisbee! To start the game, the teams would flip the disc, much like flipping a coin, to determine the offence and the defence. Each team starts on the opposite ends of the field where the defence will make a long throw towards the other team on offence. To score, the offence has to pass the disc to the teammates in the opposing end zone.
One interesting part about Ultimate Frisbee is that it is played without a referee, and the players make the calls! Captain Melvin enlightened this reporter that this is called the “Spirit of the Game” and it is one of the things that he loves most about the game. According to our very honourable captain, this self-officiating aspect of the game requires Frisbee players to have utmost integrity and sportsmanship! How this may pan out during IHG is a different story though. Who knows what the White Chicks and Blue Walruses are capable of? They may just turn the SRC fields into the red carpets for the Oscars.
Playing in a team is another thing that Melvin enjoys, as “it doesn’t matter if you’re the biggest or the fastest, you have to work with your team to win”. Wew! Such staggering insight from our beloved captain deserves to be quoted in essays (Ong, 2015). With very little knowledge about Melvin, this reporter decided to do some background investigation, and did unspoken secrets surface! *smirk*
Melvin seems to be thinking about more cold jokes to torture his players...
In a telling conversation with an anonymous source, this reporter found out that Melvin is actually far from a loving captain, contrary to popular belief! Apparently, he would often bully certain members of his #squad by subjecting them to memes, misspelling their names, or even threaten to remove members from the squad! Tough love at it’s finest, ladies and gentlemen.
This reporter was then given an exclusive glimpse into the Ultimate Frisbee chat by the anonymous source, and is simply too shocked to confirm or deny the existence of the memes, threats, or acts of bullying. But this reporter understands that every captain has their own way of managing their teams and just praying very hard that Melvin does not subject her to the same treatment in their Whatsapp convo.
Melvin is also very proud to tell this reporter that this year, the team is overflowing with experienced players and he is grateful for them. (This reporter can’t help but wonder if Melvin does indeed show his love and concern for his team through various acts of “bullying”?) With the added experience, Melvin claims that trainings are much simpler to conduct, as he can sit back, relax and let his experienced “minions” guide those who are new to the game. Wow Melvin! Such brilliant training strategies are bound to go a long way.
During the interview with Melvin, this reporter managed to collate some qualities and prerequisites players must possess before he approves them to be one of his minions. Other than having righteous integrity and sportsmanship, Eusoff Frisbee players are also required to be able to withstand extremely low temperatures during trainings! Why you may ask - is winter coming?! Actually, it is just Melvin as this reporter found out that he keeps enough cold jokes in his pocket to turn Singapore into the giant ice cube that sank the Titanic...
Other than battling the blizzard brought about by the captain, the Eusoff Frisbee team is also faced with the haze situation this year! Despite the adverse weather conditions, the team continues working hard and has had to march to further fields to train. They were once supposed to end training at 9.45pm as they were training at the NUS Law field and had to catch the last bus back. But unfortunately, they missed the last bus and they decided to continue training into the ungodly wee hours that see our friendly Blue Walruses fornicating within the confines of their nearby enclosures! Much respect for these yellow-donning Frisbee players!
With such hard work training in such varied weather conditions and excellent “dictatorship”(?), Eusoff Ultimate Frisbee team is definitely striding on the path of champions! This reporter would like to wish them all the best in the upcoming IHG and their pursuit of getting the D(isc).
Signing off,
SMC Publications
VOLLEYBALL
Written by: Hideyuki Kanazawa
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Ivan Koh
16 Oct 2015
Balls. Dig. Libero.
Calm down Eusoffians, we're talking about Volleyball here! *wink* In order for you guys to fully enjoy the volleyball matches during IHG, this reporter here shall first get a little technical with some important terms of the sport. Volleyball is a team sport in which two teams of six players are separated by a net. Each team tries to score points by grounding the ball on their opponent's court. A player begins a 'rally' by serving the ball over the net, while the receiving team can't let the ball touch the ground and has a maximum of 3 touches to send it back over the net. Get it? Good!
Wait...so what's a dig and libero you may ask? A dig is a technique used to prevent the ball from touching one's court right after a spike or attack. Commonly mistaken as *ahem* libido, the libero is the most skilled defensive player on the team, focusing exclusively on defensive maneuvers and is usually recognisable because of his/her off-coloured jersey as compared to the rest of the team.
Now that we’re done explaining the basics and fundamentals of Volleyball, let’s get to know the two captains that will be leading Eusoff’s Volleyball team to glory this year - Jason 'CuteyJ' Ang and “Anpanman” Cheryl Lee!
In a world where volleyball is a way of life, captain Jason 'CuteyJ' Ang would definitely be our benevolent prince whom every girl (and the occasional guy) would dream about. Aww...With exceptional talent and unwavering commitment, Jason leads this year's volleyball team with a promising chance at the IHG gold. He initially picked up volleyball due to his lack of interest in contact sports (which this reporter suspects is to possibly protect that super cute baby face of his). As time went by and Jason got exposed to all sorts of mischiefs, he started to like the sport because it has a rough side. Hmm….for this we shall leave it up to your own interpretation! *wink*
Check out that cute baby face of Jason even when he's playing volleyball! Aww...
Jason’s goals are simple and sweet. He believes that team spirit is extremely important and he wants everyone from different backgrounds in his team to come together as one and share a special bond. How touching…*sniff* And for his second goal, this reporter believes that an excerpt of their dialogue would be much more appropriate.
This Reporter: 'What are your goals for IHG, CuteyJ?'
CuteyJ: 'I WANT TO WIN!'
TR: 'How will you ensure the vic...'
CuteyJ: 'I WANT TO WINNN!'
TR: 'I get it but...'
CuteyJ: 'I WANT TO WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!' *mouth foams up*
Woah woah woah who would have thought that this cute face Jason would suddenly be filled with so much Eusoff spirit?! This reporter now believes for sure that Jason indeed bleeds yellow and he needs to recuperate from that spasm of enthusiasm for Eusoff.
Well then... let's take this chance to dive DEEP into his not-so-secret social life! We all know he's single, but does everyone know that he actually takes after the plant whose leaves are always green?! IMPOSSIBRUUUUU!!! How can a man of such calibre and cutesy face be single?! Jason handled this really calmly by commenting that “handling his 'personal affairs' comes first”. Hmm…this reporter wonder is those ‘personal affairs’ involves a certain someone? But for now, Jason prefers keeping it “personal”. *wink*
After no luck with getting “personal” with Jason, this reporter is determined to develop a divine body similar to his! After further inquiries about his diet plan, this reporter discovered that Jason's diet is SO DAMN solid that even Arnold Schwarzenegger personally flew to Singapore in his private jet to ask him for advice. He only eats eggs, chicken, fruits, squid and wait for it….DURIANS! Who would have thought?! No wonder this Jason is so full of horns ahem ahem.
“Addictive. Once you start you just can't stop.” This reporter is suddenly distracted from Jason’s solid body by these way-too-cool-and-suggestive words! WHO SAID IT?! It turned out to be female Volleyball captain “Anpanman” Cheryl Lee's thoughts on... volleyball! Duh, if you thought of something else, then shame on you tsk tsk.
Cheryl has evolved into her final and most powerful form - Volley-Anpanman!
As seen from her quote, Cheryl who has a secret identity as “Anpanman” (面包超人), is clearly driven and committed to everything she does! Her noble goal this IHG is to bring her team together as one and for everyone to help each other improve. She also hopes for her team to develop a positive attitude towards trainings and be passionate about the sport. *sniff* This reporter is so touched by Cheryl’s nobleness that he wants to erect a statue of Anpanman and a new religion to worship it.
At the age of 13 while most of us were still baking in the oven, this super bread woman has already started playing Volleyball and quickly realized that she has the potential to be captain of NUS' best hall. As such, Cheryl trained tirelessly, day and night to reach her final form as she is today - Volley-Anpanman! Her baking yeast has finally fluffed up and has now reached her fullest potential. With that being said, she is now turning up the heat and baking her team to crispy brown perfection!
After much investigation, this reporter also found out that Cheryl is single and handles her suitors the same way she handles her Volleyball! They are served up first in anticipation before getting crushed down hard relentlessly. Hello, Cheryl the Anpanman has a world to save and a IHG gold medal to win!
After interviewing both captains, this reporter has arrived at a startling hypothesis! Ladies and gentlemen, there exists a particular pastry known as durian puff. An impactful and intimate fusion of our resident durian and bread, the result can only be an indubitably delicious Yellow (or Gold) outcome.
Signing off,
SMC Publications
TOUCH RUGBY
Written by: Tay Tyn Long
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Dawn Cheah & Kevin Yeong
15 Oct 2015
At first glance, it seems Touch Rugby (or what the cool people call it - Trug) has all the elements of a regular sport: hot men and ladies running hard with the ball, reckless dives at risk of life and limb. Still, certain niggling thoughts are bound to appear as they often inconveniently do… are they throwing the ball BACKWARDS?!?? And how in the world does THAT qualify as a ball?
Yep, Trug can certainly be a confusing sport to watch, but fear not, this reporter is here to clear away the haze of confusion that appears over the spectator stands at trug matches. (Ok, honestly he can’t do anything about the actual haze situation though...) BUT this reporter will also unveil some behind-the-scenes moments with our Eusoff’s Trug male and female captains, Tay “Handsome” Yu Jie and Gracia “Dao” Lim!
But first, let’s start with...the balls! While the balls may look like Eusoff Giant Shiah Leei sat on each of them, they are actually made that way so that they can be thrown quickly to the next player… but that doesn’t make it qualify as a “ball” then, does it? Ohhhhh…Also in trug, the ball can only be thrown backwards, meaning that the movement of the ball often progresses erratically! A team only can maintain control for up to 6 touches (made by the opponent), and in order to score a try (equivalent of a goal), they have to ground the ball in their opponent's’ endzone. Ahhh...In short, the offense has to maintain control to not prematurely end possession, while grinding the ball up and down the field until they manage to find a gap in the defence. At that point, they have to push their way into the endzone to achieve the climax of the match: finishing and scoring. And that kids, is how babies are… I mean, touch rugby is played.
After we’re finally done understanding the confusing game of Trug, let’s move on to the part that you guys are waiting for - our charming male captain, Tay Yu Jie! With his luscious locks and easygoing smile, it’s easy to mistake Tay “Handsome” Yu Jie for a pushover. On the field however, Yu Jie plays like a man possessed, with scintillating strides and lunges that seem to hang forever, saving point after point and scarring his opponents’ psyches forever.
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A FACE OF MERCY? Also, dat hair.
Other than grooming his handsome face during trug, Yu Jie also plays soccer, table tennis and volleyball. Talk about being multi-talented! Reliable sources also say that he was recruited to SMC publicity not simply to take advantage of the legion of admirers, but because of his Avatar-worthy skills in video editing as well. (Rumour has it that he did the Hunger Games trailer :O) WHAT?! Our dearest Yu Jie seems to have an inexhaustible lists of talents!
After hearing so much about this talented young man, this reporter decided to visit him in his humble abode in D406. After uh, vigorously assuring our ex-President that this reporter was in fact, not here to interview him, he finally managed approached THE Yu Jie.
Here’s an excerpt of the interview with THE Yu Jie:
THIS REPORTER: Hello Yu Jie, I just need a few quotes for my article on---
YU JIE: I’ll be answering in the most politically correct way I can such that taking my quotes out of context to insinuate anything will be next to impossible.
TR: That is both incredibly infuriating and challenging to my pride as a journalist.
Huan Jun: I got kicked out last night because he needed “alone time”.
TR: Nice. So he was mast-
HJ: Let me interrupt you to say that no doubt you meant to complete that sentence “mastering Dota 2” and would have been abso-spanking-lutely correct in doing so.
This reporter would like to declare that this excerpt is ABSOLUTELY TRUE and IMMACULATELY FACTUAL. *innocent smile* -END OF EXCERPT-
Sigh, something seemed to have put Yu Jie on guard during the interview but luckily this brilliant reporter found a “reliable” source close to him, who is more than willing to spill the metaphorical beans. *smirk* According to this source-who-must-not-be-named, Yu Jie is a “f**king geek” who spends his time gaming, whether on PC or phone. His latest obsession appears to be Coin Dozer - heads up ladies, send him a heart and you might just grab his. *wink* But this reporter seriously wonders what is the deep dark secret that this dashing man is desperately trying to hide? From the man himself, “I like grapes.” And this reporter shall leave you guys here to ponder the utter lack of phallic connotations that has. Sigh.
Moving on, and hopefully with lady luck shining on this reporter, we have our female Trug captain, Gracia “Dao” Lim! Her middle name is adapted from her legendary “dao” face, but after further investigation, this reporter discovered what seems like a rather surprising fact! The phrases some used in conjunction with describing Gracia, were more along the lines of “sibei bimbz”, “bimbo through and through” and paraphrasing: ”possessing equine majesty”. Eh?! This reporter is certainly confused by what he found out, just like an arts student in math class.
Wait..where's the legendary "dao" face?!
Fears somewhat assuaged, this reporter carefully approached her and true enough, her ice queen persona completely melted away and she certainly proved gracious enough to answer a few questions. (insert victory baby meme) Eusoff history records have it that our Trug girls had previously won every iteration of IHG touch rugby, until last year when some Blue Walruses wrested away our coveted tiara after a heartbreaking last-minute try during the head-to-head match-up. That’s what those walruses do. They try hard.
The answer this reporter got from Gracia was a clear declaration of war against the Blue Walruses and that their time is up. This year, our Graceful Eusoff Truggers will right the wrongs and eradicate this blemish in the record books. Gracing us with a quote, “We believe that we are the team with the better basics and players with the better skills.” Truer words have never been spoken and this quote shall echo in the remnants of Blue Walrus Cove once Gracia and co. are done ravaging their endzones.
Having been immersed in the aura of victory THE Yu Jie and Gracia exude, this reporter has no qualms about their insatiable hunger in reclaiming the Gold that was rightfully ours. Under their leadership, the Eagles will once more soar high and mighty… and desecrate the Blue Walruses with white pasty manure. Go get them, Truggers!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
TENNIS
Written by: Tran Hoang Nam
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Zhang Mowei & Kevin Yeong
14 Oct 2015
Tennis is basically a game of passing the bomb with the main objective being leaving the ball on the opponent's half of the court as long as possible. It is extremely fast-paced, unimaginably intense, and definitely not for the faint-hearted. You might even start thinking that it would be too stressful to watch and enjoy this turbulent game searing volleys. But fear not! Weak hearts belong in weak halls and Eusoff is not a place where the weak exist! Instead, Eusoffian hearts will beat loudly and proudly in unison for leading the charge into IHG 15/16 are our very own Prince and Princess of Tennis, male captain “Ryoma” Tan Zhi Yi and female captain Chua Qi San(rapova).
Being humble is not easy especially when you are the best at what you do, but that is exactly how one would describe our male captain Tan Zhi Yi, or some may know him as the real life version of Ryoma Echizen. Blessed with rippling muscles that leave Rafael Nadal staring in awe, techniques worthy of Roger Federer's applause and a willpower of steel like Novak Djokovic's, Zhi Yi is no doubt the epitome of excellence. His opponents' state of underwear is at the mercy of his every swing of the racket as he exacts vengeance on the bladder control his opponents. With each blistering swing he leaves opponents trembling in fear and simply too stunned to return his shots. "Because I'm the best" was his casual answer to why he took up captaincy. Facts cannot be denied.
Just by looking at the way he swings his racket, Zhi Yi is no doubt the epitome of excellence.
You guys may wonder what else does our Prince of Tennis do besides tennis? This reporter found out that our talented Zhi Yi is also a member of Eusoff’s Track team! Some say the only thing preventing him from dominating all sports this year is the workload of his 7 modules this semester and his generosity to give others a chance to shine. Zhi Yi’s thoughtfulness can almost get this reporter to tear. *sniff*
Committed in anything and everything he does, Zhi Yi chose not to join too many activities in hall to focus on improving the tennis team, sacrificing his limitless potential to nurture new talents for the hall. His motto is to never neglect any player, especially new young padawans of the sport. Zhi Yi believes the team to be stronger and more stable than previous years, and that Eusoff would certainly pose a challenge to any hall eyeing the gold medal. Strong with Eusoff, the Force is. Win, we will. Faith in Zhi Yi, we have. Prevail against the Dark Side, we shall.
On the other half of the tennis court elegantly stands Qi San(rapova), the female captain of Eusoff balls-smashing squad. Proudly claiming tennis to be the only reason she exercises, how she still manages to maintain the figure of a Victoria’s Secret model is anyone's guess. (Don’t ask how this reporter found out.) Her graceful movements entrance her opponents and cast them into oblivion, until her balls come crashing into their faces and sending them back to harsh reality. Opponents be warned! Don’t ever get on Qi San’s bad books because she hits hard. Very hard.
Qi San knows every move of her opponents and thrashes them with no mercy.
Knowing your opponents is key in winning and as a master strategist, Qi San has already identified Eusoff's toughest rivals being the self-proclaimed champions of carpark 15 and the Blue Walruses. Her abilities in espionage even extend to knowing the love life of strong opposing players and what they eat for breakfast every day. SMC Publications admires her investigative skills and may even consider recruiting her as a reporter!
Furthermore, with a much balanced team of players of similar standards, Eusoff definitely have a lineup advantage which makes us a strong contender for the title. Both the male and female teams have been sweating it out at SRC, sometimes even when training was not allowed and lights were off. Word has it that Eusoff tennis teams are ninjas in training because they can hit balls even in the dark. They might even wear blindfolds to play against our opponents this season, if the game gets too boring for them. Who knows, it might even have been their tireless swinging that clears up the sky and makes it easier for us all to breathe due to the haze. However the PSI levels are, we would all be gasping for breath once we watch our tennis teams in intense action at SRC.
Behind the two captains are two dedicated team managers, Alton for the female team and Ning for the male team. Ning is also the star of the female team and her matches are definitely those you would not want to blink watching! The rest of the team are also equally committed and both captains have very high hopes for every member to step up their game during the upcoming IHG season.
There was actually no booth set up for tennis during CCA fair, as Zhi Yi and Qi San believe that it is not quantity, but quality and attitude that builds a bonded and formidable team. While the nature of tennis does not emphasize on teamwork as much as other team sports, both captains focus mainly on building a team in which the players are helping out and learning from one another, training and improving together and not as individuals. They play for Eusoff and for them Eusoff will cheer. Make sure to come down for the exciting matches during IHG to witness our Tennis team in action. It is not something you would want to miss!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
TABLE TENNIS
Written by: Harriet Lee
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Chan Zhi Yi & Ivan Koh
13 Oct 2015
What is Table Tennis you may ask? Huh, playing mini tennis on the table? Fret not, SMC Publications decided to send out our very own Har-reporter on behalf of Eusoffians to find out more about the sport as well as to sneak out some juicy secrets of the two captains, Raimie Tang and Liu Hanzhi, who will lead Eusoff’s Table Tennis team to victory this year!
After some clarification by captain Raimie, Har-reporter found out that Table Tennis is a sport that involves 2 to 4 people, whacking balls with bats over a table. And guess what?! Hanzhi confirmed this reporter’s thoughts that the difference between Table Tennis and Tennis is indeed the table!
Jokes aside, the two captains added that both teams are rather bonded as they train together in the function hall and they accidentally spilled that the girls and guys players “rub off each other” to become better players. Wait whattt? Seems like in the heat of the moment, the added spunk would surely push our male players to greater lengths and female players to satisfaction, wouldn’t it!
Captain of our female team this year, Liu Han Zhi, has a very unique nickname - “Sweet Potato”. This certainly got this Har-reporter confused, but after repeating her name “hanzhi, hanzhi, hanzhi” multiple times in different dialects, she finally got it! Rumour has it that Hanzhi first picked up the bat at the glorious age of 7 and has since never put it down! This talented captain is also actively contributing in SPT, SRC finance, PAL programme and as IC of Eusoff Table Tennis Recreational Team. What else can she not do?! Har-reporter is certainly in awe of her zai-ness.
Look at that intense look on Hanzhi's face, no wonder people described her as as “xiao onz about table tennis”.
As much time as she spends on training, Hanzhi also enjoys scrolling 9gag and laughing at funny memes. But when it comes to Table Tennis, one can certainly trust Hanzhi to carry her team to greater heights and push every individual to reach their fullest potential. Upon some on-site observation, Har-reporter discovered that Hanzhi is often seen training the guys instead and profusely apologises every time she wins a point. Seems like she takes gender equality very seriously and is keen on demonstrating her surgical precision in table tennis to both males and females alike… No wonder some people even described her as as “xiao onz about table tennis”!
With her life revolving around food such as her nickname and Lobster for the male captain, it is of no surprise that she is a Food Science major! (Studying about food! How cool is that?!)
Don’t be alarmed when you see Har-reporter wearing shades to Table Tennis training. The Function Hall is not very sunny. It is because she has to prevent her eyes from being blinded by Hanzhi’s radiant charm and also from this certain guy glowing red. WAIT WHAT WHO?! This red guy is none other than the captain of the male Table Tennis team, Raimie “Lobster” Tang!
Raimie getting ready to turn as red as a lobster - a secret ability to thrash his opponents!
Rumour has it that Raimie usually is an approachable, funny and normally tanned guy, but when he gets pumped up during matches, he start glowing red like a cooked lobster. (If you don’t believe Har-reporter, go check out his Facebook profile picture!) Other than his skin colour, Har-reporter also found out that Raimie enjoys using his special ability “camouflage” and scam others in hall that he cannot doesn’t know how to play table tennis. Some people that Har-reporter interviewed showed extremely surprised faces when they heard that Raimie is super good in Table Tennis and one even mentioned that Raimie went for Table Tennis tryouts and made everyone’s jaw drop once he picked up a bat.
Under the camouflage, captain Raimie had actually played 13 years and counting of table tennis! Those who found out about his sick skills even started worshipping him as the Table Tennis God! Upon some investigation, Har-reporter also found out that Raimie had some form of rivalrous agreement with the table tennis captain of White Chicks Hall, where our beloved Yellowish-red lobster will suffer the humiliation and tragedy of leaving Eusoff if he does not achieve gold this IHG! This certainly sounds like some form of dirty trickery played out by the neighbouring nest, but Har-reporter is still amazed by the amount of confidence Raimie has in his team.
Despite his size and outlook, Raimie is rumoured to be extremely health-conscious and his favourite catch-phrase is “OMG, I need to lose weight”. Raimie is living proof that lobsters are actually vain pots basking in attention when customers select their live seafood for dinner.
In all seriousness, when asked about what table tennis meant to him, Raimie replied, “Table Tennis is …. Ping Pong”. Har-reporter cannot withstand this captain’s level of remarkable intelligence and almost wanted to serve him up for a lobster feast until he reminded her that she still has to submit this write-up.
Taking a deep breath, the captains have also dedicated shoutouts to their TMs because a team’s supporting staff is just as important as the leaders:
Assisting the female team is Hideyuki Kanazawa, or more commonly known as Yuki, the half Japanese wonderboy. This TM is described as having descended from the Japanese Heavens and gracing the table tennis team with delicacies from Kanazawa Kitchen such as milo and nutella banana sandwich. As the female counterpart, Zhiyi is dedicated and gives her 100%. For reasons unknown though, it seems that the ball and her bat are magnetic and repel each other when in close vicinity. This, however, has not dampened her spirits and she is hoping the the guys team will “rub off” on her and that she will improve in time to come!
After finding out so much about our Eusoff Table Tennis teams, Har-reporter is certainly excited to see how our cuisine captains Sweet Potato and Lobster will lead their respective team to greater heights!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
SWIM
Written by: Brenda Leong
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Ivan Koh & Liang Chao
12 Oct 2015
Skintight suits. Wetness. Heavy breathing. Strenuous activity.
Free. Breast. Back. (Butterfly.)
The first phrase sounds like a short description for Reproduction 1101 and the second sounds like an advertisement for free fried chicken, but they certainly are not! Both phrases are actually describing the only aquatic event we have in IHG - SWIM. Of all the sports in IHG, this reporter feels that swim is one of the least complicated to understand as the condition for victory is clear-cut – the fastest wins. Leading our Eusoff Swim team this year are the Twin Js, captains “大姐大” Joceleen Chin and “BTJ” Niam Jen Yang!
This reporter first went to visit female captain “大姐大” Joceleen Chin in her second home (the pool has been known to be the natural habitat of both swim captains). Upon entering her lair, this reporter was surprised to find her reclined on her bed, tired from the rigors a tough PT set that she pushed for the team to do earlier that day. “One set only leh!” she grumbles, obviously eager to do more sets despite her aching muscles. Described as someone who is very hardworking, this reporter heard that Joceleen NEVER compromises on training standards. Is this why the swimmers who undergo her *ahem* sadistic *ahem* training sessions all turn out to have hot bods resembling K-pop stars?
Joceleen breaking her PB with Eusoff's hottest bods at the end of the pool as motivation.
Speaking of K-pop stars, this reporter finally understood why Joceleen prepares such tough hot bod training sessions for her swimmers! She loves all things Korean, especially hot Korean boys, which is probably why she forces Eusoff swimmers with the hottest bods to stand at the end of the pool so that she can imagine them as her EXO oppas. Eye candy as motivation… Who would have thought? Seems like the Eusoff Swim team found the winning formula this year *smirk*.
Fantasies aside, as the sister of our beloved Sports Director Shar(k)leen, who has been seen destroying opponents both on land (more specifically, the handball court) and in the pool, Joceleen is certainly not someone to be trifled with! She started swimming at the tender age of 5 when everyone else is still probably drooling and was also Eusoff’s Swim captain last year! Being Eusoff’s Swim captain for the second year running, Joceleen is eager to retain the ladies’ championship title and is ready to chew up any bumbling Blue Walruses who dare oppose her. Joceleen also feels that swim is more a race against yourself rather than a race against others – you want to beat yourself and get the best personal timing (and perhaps to reach the hot bods at the end of the pool the fastest). Whoever thought that the Yellow Eagles are only creatures of the land and air are clearly mistaken. Apparently in Eusoff, eagles have too learnt to swim, as the other animal exhibits found in Kent Ridge can attest to.
This reporter also found out that one particular swimmer that Joceleen specifically asks to stand at the end of her swimming lane is ex-Eusoff president, Jose Chan Huan Jun! “OMG HIS PLUNGE DAMN PRETTY, I KENNUT!!!” the serious 大姐大 suddenly breaks out into a squeal. Ladies, you should definitely make your way down to see the rare sight of Huan Jun’s glamorous self as he dives into the pool. Rumour has it that the Nyan Cat was created after him because a rainbow has been rumoured to appear whenever he plunges into the pool. One may only speculate as to why such a magnificent creature of manliness like Mr. Chan may spawn such an abysmally fluffy creature from his nether regions upon his dive.
Next up, Eusoff’s male captain, “BTJ” Niam Jen Yang! Some say that he is often blur and takes a lot of effort for him to move, but when you put him in water, he is unstoppable! What got this reporter even more curious to find out about his rare swimming feats, was that she never actually got to see the elusive Jen Yang in real life. While the official reason was “school”, there have been some rumours that Jen Yang has his sights set on a pretty girl with the sweetest smile. School, huh? *smirk* On some occasions, this particularly shy but attractive lady has been seen on E4, possibly stalking Jen Yang’s enclosure to lure him into the open.
The elusive Jen Yang is unstoppable in water!
Secret rendezvous with said pretty lady aside, this reporter also tried prying for the meaning behind his interesting nickname “BTJ”, but to no avail. Rumor has it that this nickname is given by the E4 guys after someone grabbed a particular body part of his. Well, seems like we’ll leave it to your imagination to what BTJ means...Or perhaps this picture can help *wink*.
...Or perhaps this picture can help *wink*.
Jen Yang also deems swim as a way of life that eventually culminates in those few seconds in the pool on event day, with people cheering for you in the background and your entire year’s worth of hard work come to fruition. How deep! No wonder some say that Jen Yang is the fastest swimmer in Eusoff, easily claiming a 27s for 50m Freestyle! Despite his reluctance to move on land, Jen Yang certainly burns with desire in the water to win IHG.
While both captains have sung the same tune so far, Jen Yang revealed that Joceleen has one big cardinal sin. She doesn’t eat sashimi! SAY WHAT?! Joceleen, one does not simply refuse food that descended to earth from the kitchens of Heaven. Interested ladies should also note that a love for sashimi is a must to be Jen Yang’s special lady!
Other than the argument on sashimi, both captains endorse swimmer Bryan See Tow, who is a regular on NUS water polo team. You guys would certainly remember Bryan after he destroyed the fence, supporters, neighbouring hall’s sleep...basic everything due to his powerful shots during IBG, but apparently that’s not the end of his destructive nature! There has been widespread speculation that tsunamis battering the Southeast Asian region originate from Singapore because Bryan was taking a leisurely swim at East Coast. Bryan is certainly someone you guys can look out for this coming IHG and let’s just hope that the pool will remain intact after his event.
So Eusoffians, are you guys excited to see our swimsuit babes and Herculean physique of our swim hunks? Don’t say that this reporter did not share this rare opportunity with you guys, as this only happens once every academic year during IHG. Support the hall AND treat your eyes to the bevy of beauties and hunks in skin-tight swimsuits – there aren’t many other sports that will give you better fan service than this! May the Shengry Poseidon shine on our swimmers!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
SQUASH
Written by: Neo Jie Xin
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Kevin Yeong & Janel Lau
9 Oct 2015
Many would think that Squash is a sport meant for loners who treat the walls as their imaginary friends, playing ball rally with themselves and forever alone. Well, you’re not far from the truth since that’s indeed what they do to win the game! BUT HOLD ON THERE, our Eusoff Squash teams this year are gonna prove you wrong! At the forefront of our male and female Squash teams for the upcoming IHG 15/16 are Dickson “Dickie” Lai and Ang Zheng Li (Hai)!
First up, introducing the guys team captain Dickson “Dickie” Lai! Just like a Disney knight in shining armour, Dickson swings his racket like a sword shimmering in daylight and has slain countless competitors! He started squash as he wanted to try something different and has since clocked very respectable mileage in victories, such as earning himself a place in the Combined School Games. When asked about any challenges faced, he mentioned that the squash ball could come bouncing back to him from any side and angle, making it very unpredictable. This, however, has certainly not been a very deterring factor for Dickson as he continues to dismantle his foes with relative ease.
Dickson, Eusoff's knight in shining armour, slaying his opponents with his sword-like racquet skills.
Dickie places emphasis on the technicalities of the swing, which is hard to execute unless you’re as close to perfection as he is. Squash is unpredictable as the ball doesn’t bounce very responsively (yes, what do you expect from a ball which looks like tons of dirtied black blutack rolled up together?!). Dickson then shares some trivia for squash whereby you can play with any of the four imaginary friends (ie, the four walls) as long as you DON’T CROSS THE LINE (or more commonly known as the boundary). This reporter is utterly amazed at how Dickson treats playing squash just like how he treat his other human friends.
Leading the female squash team this year is captain very Zheng (正) and very Li “Hai” (厉害)! When asked about the challenges she faced, Zheng Li said calmly, “sometimes things get so monotonous once you’ve reach a plateau in the ability to improve. But remember why you started out the sport in the first place.” *SQUEALS* This reporter nodded till her head almost fell off. How did Zheng Li managed to sum it up so seamlessly?! Her profound sage-like words is staggering. Wayyyyy too smooth. This, Eusoffians, is exactly how you score dates.
Zheng Li's graceful movements when playing squash have certainly caught someone's eyes. *wink*
Other than her skills and words, is Zheng Li equally smooth with the opposite gender? *smirk* Some juicy secrets started to unveil when Zheng Li mentioned coincidentally (or not) that she too faces challenge of the rebounding squash balls. WAIT A SECOND. Doesn’t this sound familiar?! This highly intelligent reporter managed to connect the dots and oh my, she supposes this is what people mean by being spiritually connected to another. Your words seemingly echo within the heart of the significant other… And is this why they are both captains as well?! WOAH, this is getting wayyyy too sweet…
As this reporter takes a breather from gasping at how heavenly-matched these two captains are, our dearest captain Dickie bashfully admitted that he always helps out with the girls’ trainings in his free time. Sources unnamed then claimed that for a particular someone, HE IS ALWAYS FREE! C’mon guys, don’t get him wrong, it is all in the name of coaching and the pursuit of “happiness”, right? *wink*
Realising that the secret is out, captain Zheng Li gushed (and sweetly recalled) how grateful she is to Dickson for blocking out all his commitments other for her and how he has always been VERY patient with her *smirks*. Not too fast though, for here comes the other male lead, dum dum LUM, whom Zheng Li has her eyes fixed on. Will a knightly duel ensue anytime soon? Will there be any royal jousting as the pair of testosterone-fueled males cross swords to earn the favour of our lady? This reporter certainly can’t wait for the next episode of this medieval drama!!
Behind both Knight Dickie and Princess Zheng Li are two very dedicated Team Managers, Xiao Qi and Jun Wei, who are always by their sides to assist them on their route to victory (and perhaps, a happy ending?). Some say Xiao Qi prepares for every training like she’s preparing for Valentine’s Day. All kinds of cookies, brownies and EVEN AWFULLY CHOCOLATE have found their way down to the happy tummies of our squash gentlemen. Given the amount of welfare she has provided for the squash guys, she seemed to be the one most likely to solve world hunger. Dickson even said, “She’s confirm running for the best TM!” Really, Dickson?? Is she running for best TM... or is she running for her knight in shining armour? *smirk*
Jun Wei, on the other hand, chooses to show his affection through actions instead of tastebuds. This dedicated TM actively took up the responsibility to train the female freshies who are new to the sport himself. Are there ulterior motives for this feat of benevolence? One can never be too certain...
Rumour also has it that our female squash players are often so mesmerized by Knight Dickie that accidents seem to happen frequently in Eusoff’s underground dungeons (more commonly known as squash courts). Sources claimed that Xiao Qi always gets hit by the ball because her eyes are too fixated on our dashing captain D. Moreover, insta-queen Felina once got hit once so hard that she didn’t put up a selfie the following day! This, however, is Eusoff. Balls approaching at high velocity and impacting faces certainly isn’t enough of a deterrent to stop these ladies from training hard for gold.
Despite all the blossoming Disney love stories in both Squash teams, this reporter is very certain that our two captains will train their teams hard and fight for the ultimate glory this coming IHG 15/16!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
FLOORBALL
Written by: Christine Fu
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Kevin Yeong & Sabrina Seng
8 Oct 2015
Floorball is a high-intensity sport that involves sticks and balls. With six players on each side, the aim of the game is simple - get the ball into the net! The floorball sticks to the players are like extensions of their bodies, and they’re not allowed to hold on to other people’s sticks… or are they? *wink* Leading the Eusoff Floorball teams to annihilate other halls this year are captains Esther Mei Ambrose (EMA) and Ravi "MVP” Kumar!
Captain of the Eusoff girls team this year, we have Esther Mei Ambrose, or more commonly known as EMA. EMA has been a runner her whole life and was also part of our Yellow Eagles RR runners, until she started playing fun floorball with her block in Year 1. For reasons unknown, something about the game of sticks and balls got her excited and resonated deep within her. Perhaps her carnal hunger of some stick-swinging shenanigans surfaced roaringly upon entry to Eusoff hall and witnessing the proud male Eagles in action. Don’t get this reporter wrong, but it is the running and the added bonus of body contact that happens “occasionally” in matches that EMA enjoys about the game. Captain EMA sees a lot of potential in her team this year, with lots of natural talents in handling lengthy or spherical objects. With a bit more time and practice (both on and off court, this reporter presumes), EMA believes that the team will reach a much anticipated “climax”.
Rare moment of EMA smiling during a game! But opponents be warned, never “under-esthermei-te” her!
Rumour has it that most people in hall are afraid of EMA due to her dao face, but according to this reporter’s reliable sources, she is secretly a “EMAMA” to her floorball teammates and a domestic goddess. She often calls her teammates her “precious” and loves to cook! This reporter found out that she actually cooked lasagne for her mortal last year! What sorcery is this?! This reporter’s own mother doesn’t even think about preparing lasagne! On days that she’s not playing floorball, she is actually a loyal patriot who uses the Singapore flag as her curtain. She also has a monkey soft toy named Chipy, which she calls her most loyal supporter. Rumour also has it that people saw her talking non-stop for an extended period of time to Chipy and this reporter wonders what secrets does Chipy hold? Despite the many different personalities that EMA seemed to have, opponents are warned to not “under-esthermei-te” her, for she is extremely competitive and will not hesitate to destroy all who stand in her way!
In less phallic terms, leading Eusoff Floorball men to glory this year is Ravi Kumar, or more commonly known as the MVP. He was initially a hockey player, until he found love (floorball) in a hockey-less place (Eusoff). He got so good with his new found love that he even played in the recent 28th SEA Games, where he was part of the team that brought home the bronze medal for Malaysia. This reporter also found out that Ravi plays for a Division 1 Floorball club, Hitman, and was also the TOP SCORER for the Malaysian Interstate Floorball Competition aka Merdeka Cups with 9 goals. With such a skilled captain, the Eusoff guys certainly face some high expectations! Ravi mentioned in the interview that he definitely has high hopes for the Eusoff team this year, and as long as they work hard and train hard, they definitely have a shot at the gold medal. What else the male Eagles will shoot after IHG remains to be seen...
Captain Ravi looking handsome on court as always and mesmerizing girls with his bulging muscles.
While it seems like Ravi’s life revolves around his new-found love, Floorball, guess what? He plays keeper for Eusoff’s handball team as well! Seems like Ravi is as good at receiving as he is at giving! Oh my gawd, what else can Captain Ravi not do?! This reporter was instantly mesmerized by Ravi’s ab-tastic awesomeness but then she realised that there is already a long queue of suitors outside E412 with queue number machiam like Gong Cha to boot. What’s more, Ravi’s roommate/teammate Kullatep is always present to add some Thai spice to twilight revels *wink*. After all, Two is Better Than One, no? Seems like this reporter no longer stands any chance, sigh... An anonymous source even said that Ravi’s block freshies were fighting to be his “angel” in the game of angel and mortal and the lucky angel even wrote love notes as long as essays to Ravi. She may have won the fight, but will she win Ravi’s heart? That’s for this reporter to know, and for you to find out. After more in-depth stalking, this reporter found out from some reliable sources that Ravi is actually very sensitive about his skin color. He hates it when others say he's dark or black and will like to take this chance clarify that he is CHINDIAN and not Malay! Ravi also claimed that he is fairer than most Chinese, but this was immediately refuted by this reporter’s sources who exclaimed “SUCH DENIAL”. There there Ravi, your suitors will still love you no matter what colour you are. Be it Indian, Chinese, Malay or Rojak, handsome is still handsome.
On a certain night in the dining hall, this reporter overheard a certain female floorballer say, “I’m going to the guys’ training later to show them how a Div 1 player plays.” WOAH WOAH WOAH, this reporter immediately sensed the tension building between the two teams! She can’t help but wonder, if it comes down to the battle of the sexes, who would emerge victorious in a game of floorball? Who will outdo the other? Or will gender equality ultimately prevail in this titanic clash of hormonal competitiveness?
This reporter decided to gather some information before the Eusoff Floorball battle breaks out. First comment comes from Ravi, where he said that the guys in the floorball team are extremely gentlemanly and thus they would definitely let the girls win. “Ya la ya la that’s what they all say,” was EMA’s response to that and this reporter certainly sensed some passive aggressiveness in her tone. When asked the same question, EMA shouted almost immediately, “Obviously the girls!” Come on guys, remember that the ultimate show of respect is to play your best no matter who the opponent is.
This floorball battle continues between the two Team Managers, Pris and Matthew. In the girls’ corner is Matthew, an SAF regular as a Guardsman, who actually plans deadly PT for the team in preparation for IHG (and against Eusoff guys)! Unfortunately (or fortunately…), this reporter didn’t get the opportunity to try out Matthew’s PT session but rumour has it that not many managed to survive it. On the guys’ team is Pris, a wonderful “mother-like” baker, who prepares the guys team for battle by feeding them big and well. She even tried to make this reporter write in favor of the guys team, and oh boy was it difficult to reject those delicious truffles. Whose method will win? Do you guys support team PT or team #PRIStigious?
The intensity and friendly rivalry between both Floorball teams can only be beneficial in the long run and both captains believe that with hard work and determination, there is nothing that the two teams can’t achieve. Both teams are in good hands and training extremely hard to break some sticks and crush balls of other halls this coming IHG 15/16! SMC Publications would like to wish the Eusoff Floorball teams all the best in their pursuit of tandem Golds!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
ROAD RELAY
Written by: Nicholas Yong
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Kevin Yeong
7 Oct 2015
Rumor has it that year in and year out, the infamous Blue Walruses have been thinking of dominating the Road Relay scene, as testimony to their hours of aerobic training raving in the alleyways of Jiak Kim Street. The Yellow Eagles would like to politely refute this baseless claim by bombarding the Blue Walruses with bird droppings from the friendly skies. In last year’s IHG, the women eagles have shattered this myth and showed the world that eagles truly are faster than walruses on land. This coming IHG 15/16, the Yellow Eagles can not only fly; they have also adapted and evolved to become trailblazers. Quite literally. The eagles can now run at top speeds surpassing that of ostriches. This reporter/biological evolution expert takes you into the grueling world of Road Relay and leading Eusoff’s convocation of Yellow Eagles are captains “Iron Lungs” Lee Jun Yi and Tiff(buff)any Tan!
Road relay is a 6 man/woman race, where each runner takes turns to run a course of 1.8 km, stretching from Raffles Hall towards Clementi road, then up the Central Library (CLB) slope and finally back to Raffles Hall. His main gripe however, was a sentiment commonly shared amongst other competitors – the incline of the CLB slope. “Torturous” was the exact word used to describe the toll CLB slope takes on fatigued legs. This reporter surmised that perhaps the organizers should drop the “L” in “CLB” to give its name more meaning.
First up is men’s captain, “Iron Lungs” Lee Jun Yi! The diminutive Jun Yi holds 160 centimeters of height (rounding down) proudly to his name, and he is the living testament that size does not matter. Remember, it is not the size of the man in the fight but the size of the fight in the man. All a guy needs is stamina *wink* and the willingness to go the distance *more winks*. Take note of this eligible bachelor here girls, for Jun Yi has it all - be it tall, dark or handsome. Maybe admittedly not particularly tall, but certainly dark and handsome. In addition to leading the men’s Road Relay team to glory, Jun Yi is also an established member of the Eusoff soccer team. This reporter is amazed at how Captain “Iron Lungs” can function equally effectively on both concrete and grass. Moreover, he is focused both in sports and academically, as evinced by his preference to revise for midterms over providing an interview for this write-up. This reporter only managed to secure an interview with this Iron Lungs Eagle after capturing him before he is about to continue with his 37th round running the road relay route.
"Iron Lungs" Jun Yi running God-knows-how-many rounds as his warm up.
Other than having iron lungs, Junyi also has steel resolve in his heart and iron confidence in his team. When asked about the challenges Eusoff runners face, “certain parts of the race can be quite lonely especially with no opponents to push you as the gap widens” was the given matter-of-factly reply. This confidence is because the Eusoff male team has retained its crop of runners from last season, and is further strengthened by the addition of Usain Bolt-esque, bronzed demigod of track and field, Zachary Ryan. Zachary stormed through Inter-Block Games with relative ease, and if that’s not enough, he represented Singapore in the latest 800m SEA Games track event. Apparently, next season of Flash will be filmed in Eusoff. Perhaps Zachary should consider backpedaling instead of running forward to make it more of a challenge. Digging around for more, this nosey reporter caught wind of one of Zachary’s more peculiar habits. This is none other than his solo rendition of “Hey Jude” when alone in the room, which happened to be filmed entirely on tape by a couple of spying block mates. Espionage and discreteness is evidently not one of Zachary’s forte, and singing certainly isn’t. But rest assured, in the coming IHG, other halls will literally be eating Zachary’s dust.
Also, keep your eyes peeled for Mr. President Jian Ler, who happens to be another speedster. Upon hearing it, this reporter kicked himself for not realizing sooner. Who would have guessed that perpetual donning of FBTs is out of necessity rather than a fashion statement? His strict “minimal clothing” code is undoubtedly part of his race plan (or is it?), to minimize weight and resistance as he blisters the way for Eusoff road relay. With scorching strides and feet pounding tarmac like thunder fall, Jian Ler is often too much of a blur for the camera to capture… except when he has to stand still during prize presentations ceremonies.
Not so keen though, was Jun Yi, when asked to stir shit between the guys and girls road relay team. His reticence was explained by the fact that very little goes on in both road relay camps due to it being a niche sport. (Well, maybe this doesn’t apply to the TMs.) Moreover, sources also claim that the girls run at supersonic speeds so no one could ever chase them. So guys, time to pick up some speed if you’re interested in these Yellow Eagles *smirk*.
Speaking of “shit”, that’s what female captain Tiff(buff)any Tan has been affectionately labeled by her leggy peers. The anonymous source was extremely secretive about this nickname, but this reporter can’t seem to figure out why. Is it because Tiffany often takes dumps on her opponents? Or is it because this Yellow Eagle soars high and plasters her opponents’ windscreens with bird droppings? Either way, Tiffany’s opponents are often left gazing at her rear end during a race.
Captain Tiff(buff)any not giving any "shit" to her opponents.
After more stalking done by this reporter, he found out that this girl is certainly not to be underestimated at all! Despite just starting her NUS and Yellow Eagle career, Tiffany is already scouted to be captain of the road relay team. She also came in 10th for ‘A’ division cross-country and is currently representing NUS as well. Please guys, you have to keep up with her to chase her and not just stare at her hiney. Rumour has it that she aspires to be an insta-princess as well, and this reporter thinks “Buffany” certainly makes a good Instagram name.
Tiffany feels that road relay is less individualistic than many people assume. Having a team to encourage one another is a big aspect of road relay. A supportive team goes a long way in helping each other continually improve and pushing their personal best. When the body fails, the mind takes over. When the C(L)B slope appears, the mind then fails, but that’s where friends take over. Eusoffians, be prepared to stand by the slope during IHG and cheer your heart out for our runners, for they will run their hearts out for you.Tiffany also gave us some sneak peeks into her flock of female eagles. Her top pick is to watch Rochelle, the fastest Yellow Eagle last season.
In the romance department, there seems to be some sparks flying between the 2 team managers, Cheryl Lim and Eugene Goh, as quoted by anonymous tip-offs that “they look quite cute together”. Maybe watching the world go by is their thing.
Only time (and a lot of sweat) will tell if we can fully conquer the road this season, but with our added strength (and biological evolution) in the male and female department, this dream may soon be realized.
Signing off,
SMC Publications
NETBALL
Written by: Hideyuki Kanazawa
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Kevin Yeong
6 Oct 2015
Imagine two teams of 美女s running around back and forth drenched in sweat. If this brings back memories of a dream from last night then you're gravely mistaken, we’re talking about netball here! Jokes aside, netball is a non-contact sport and played on a rectangular court with raised goal rings at the opposite ends. The ball can only be brought down the court by passing and a point is scored whenever the Goal Attack or Goal Shooter shoots the ball through the correct hoop within the designated semi-circle at the end of the court. The team with the most number of points at the end of 10 minutes x 4 quarters is crowned the victor!
Boasting unparalleled expertise, captain Audrey 'Penguin' Tang leads Eusoff's dream team for IHG 15/16 with unwavering commitment and a heart of steel. She has high expectations for this year's team and readily shared her goals with this reporter. First and foremost, she has already set her eyes on the prize, aiming to clinch the gold at the end of this year's IHG. This is definitely not an easy task (for the average athlete) but since when were Eusoff athletes merely average, right? Audrey is also fully committed and determined to push her teammates to their limits where f(x) reaches infinity. She believes that everyone on the team has immense potential and that they are able to realize it with sufficient hard work and perseverance. The netball team is certainly on track as this reporter heard that they have been surviving Audrey’s specially planned insane PT workouts after every training. Way to go, netballers! (And guys, it’s time to work out, or perhaps you can ask Audrey if you can do PT alongside the netball girls *wink*)
Have you ever seen penguins fly? Our very own captain Audrey the Penguin certainly can.
Other than the gold medal, what Captain Penguin Tang treasures the most is the undying spirit of camaraderie and forging of strong bonds. She aims to make her trainings more engaging so that her teammates can not only refine their skills, but also enjoy attending these trainings and see each other as someone they can rely on. After listening to her speech, this reporter instantly felt the radiant passion of a million suns seeping through the clouds and was so touched that he could not help but shed a tear.
This reporter went on ninja-mode and dug out some more juicy secrets about Audrey the Penguin. At the tender age of 13 while most penguins are still learning how to waddle, Audrey was already handling netballs with her flippers and was immediately scouted to become the vice-captain of her secondary school team. She went on to refine her already penguin-godlike skills and assumed the position of captain in the SAJC team.
An adult Audrey in her natural habitat.
Having already figured out the meaning of life, our penguin prodigy grew bored and wanted someone who could spice up her life. *smirk* Despite being courted by every eligible man on MEETME NUS, Audrey decided to give her heart to a certain rugger in a red beret. *cues 1,2,3* AWWWW….
This reporter thus concluded that Captain Penguin Tang only aims for the best and nothing less; she is undoubtedly the epitome of excellence. When questioned if she have some tips for Eusoffians aspiring to be as cool and awesome as her, Audrey calmly said: “Weed.” SAY WHAT?! Her answer certainly took this reporter by surprise. WHAT?! After seeing the reporter’s extremely shocked face, she added: “Seaweed is the only weed I take.” #thuglife
Signing off,
SMC Publications
HANDBALL
Written by: Png Ying Ying
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Janel Lau & Ivan Koh
5 Oct 2015
Looking for a chance to get some gropes in “here and there” without getting caught? Then Handball is certainly the game for you! Don’t get too happy about touching everyone’s “here and there”, or be prepared to have your balls handed to you by the team’s ferocious and charismatic captains! Spearheading our Eusoff’s male and female Handball teams respectively for the upcoming IHG 15/16 are Justin “Longme” Nadar and co-captains Jolin “Angry Bird” Tan and Lim (not)Jing (but)Wen! This reporter managed to wiggle her way into their timetables to find out more about them and to get some juicy juicy news for you Eusoffians.
Handball is a sport with high intensity and contact during the game, requiring seven players on court per team. Free aggressive “hugs” are being thrown around to prevent opponents from approaching and scoring a goal. With the ball in hand, players can either pass, dribble or shoot. Up to 3 steps can be taken, but occasionally some players get away with doing the renowned “天龙八部(步)”, or more commonly known as the travelling violation. Surrounding the goalkeeper is a 6-metre zone you’ll never want to be in. Players other than the goalkeeper are forbidden from stepping even one foot into the area. Because of this, look forward to our Yellow Eagles attempting to fly like real eagles on court to score a goal this IHG!
Let’s start with a sneak peek of the two ladies. Both Jolin and Jing Wen started handball when they first entered Eusoff in Year 1 and in turn, both got scouted to be part of the IVP Handball team. Upon asking what was most challenging about IVP handball, Jolin immediately retaliated, “Nothing is challenging,” while Jing Wen casually suggested, “Just join lah.” Oh my tian, this reporter just got blinded by both captains’ awesomeness. A teammate of theirs also mentioned, “Though Jolin looks small and cute, she’s one tough bird. Jing Wen is fierce and immovable like the Great Wall of China during trainings, but she has a great sense of humour and is definitely a chatterbox.” What? That’s why they are nicknamed Angry Bird and (not)Jing (but)Wen (稳 = steady), right?
Jolin scoring a goal looking extremely like a real-life Angry Bird.
Jolin currently plays as Right Wing even though she is a right-hander. FYI, left-handers are usually assigned to play right wing for a better shooting angle. Therefore, guys, be prepared to see a ‘senget’ Jolin during IHG, and maybe… as the drama lead for this year’s Dance Production too! Jingwen, known as the best 6th man, (quoted: Kuroko no Basuke) plays any position except Wing and Keeper. Doesn’t this sound like an identity crisis?
Jing Wen momentarily throwing away her identity crisis to score a goal.
This reporter went on to be a neighbourhood gossipmonger and asked Jolin (Jing Wen is taken by L from Death note, sorry guys) about potential boyfriends in the male handball team and she instantly shouted, “JUSTIN NADAR!” Could there be a potential love line called “Angry Longme”?
After hearing countless rumours about this certain Justin Nadar, this reporter finally got to meet and talk to him in person and (visually) confirm the “Long” in “Longme”. Justin’s main sport is basketball, but he wanted to try something new and handball turned out to be handy at that time. Though Justin only picked up handball halfway in Year 1 Sem 1, he still got scouted for the IVP Handball team shortly after he started the sport. Another jaw dropping, awestrucking, oh my gawd moment for this reporter! How come Eusoff got so many zai kia IVP players? Quoting Eusoff Legend national team vice-captain Andy Lwi once said, “We do not know the answers to everything. Not everything has an answer. You must always be thinking. For instance, why is the sky blue?” For reasons similar to nature, it only seems natural that Eusoff produces zai kias on an annual basis.
Justin plays the Pivot for Eusoff, and when asked whether he feels contradicted due to some similar rules in basketball and handball, he said, “It’s not about the difference in how many steps I need to take, it’s how I use the steps.” I must say, Bow Chicka Bow, WOW. This reporter can only withstand this much deepness. With Justin only attending hall trainings along with our ex-Sports D Arun’s Indian-to-Indian coaching once in a blue moon, he has since risen up to the captaincy for our handball team this year. So Eusoffians, do look out for his exceptional performance this IHG!
Captain Longme's near-successful attempt at flying like a real Yellow Eagle.
Finally, the revelation that all the Eusoffians XMMs are waiting for! What does Justin’s interesting Facebook name, “Justin Longme” actually mean?! Does “Longme” refer to a particular part of his body? Sadly, this reporter’s hopes were dashed as a surprisingly embarrassed and cute answer came out of Justin’s mouth. So if anyone’s interested, do approach Justin while this reporter (and other XMMs) sulks in a corner drawing circles.
Our handball captains’ achievements are something that we Eusoffians should be proud of and their passion and determination for the sport is definitely worth admiring. Along with their TMs, Yang Jun and Jacelyn, the team will be brought to greater heights this IHG. Oh and guys, Jacelyn provides “sports rubs” for her entire handball team on demand *smirk*.
Signing off,
SMC Publications
SOCCER
Written by: Kenneth Lui
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Kevin Yeong & Ivan Koh
2 Oct 2015
Ah soccer, the beautiful game, one of the most widely renowned and popular sports in the world, because everyone has definitely felt that really strong urge to kick some(one in the) balls, amirite? A 90 minutes game with 11 players a side for the guys and a one-day carnival style games with 7 players on field for the girls where they will face off every hall in the upcoming IHG 15/16. Leading Eusoff’s soccer teams this year are our extremely talented captains Alissa “Ali” Hokchew and Clarence “Chubby” Chew! But prior to interviewing these two superstar captains, this reporter took the liberty to do some “background research”, and have dug out some really interesting information about them.
Ladies first: this reporter went around asking a few female freshies for the first word or phrase that came to mind to describe their captain and guess what?! Captain Ali clearly mesmerised the soccer freshies with her beauty (and skills, of course) with some of them going as far as to say “her eyes are so nice that I would totally turn lesbian for her”. Rumour has it that many Eusoff guys and girls have been spotted lining up along the SRC field just to catch a glimpse of her enchanting beauty. Some also say that Ali’s distinctive burps can often be heard before even seeing her and this leaves us wondering if this is one of her tactics to scare opponents away.
Captain Alissa “Ali” winding up for a strong kick of the ball, very much like how an angry girlfriend would.
Looks and personality aside, when asked about how captain Ali is like during trainings, a particularly confounding response from the freshies was that they are completely amazed at how “she can be so nice and yet so fierce at the same time”. Upon meeting her in person (well prepared with shades to prevent blindness caused by her charm and aura), this reporter finally had an inkling of what this highly confusing statement meant.
Despite being actively involved in 4 sports - namely soccer, floorball, road relay and touch rugby, there is no doubt that Ali’s heart truly lies in soccer. (There there boys, we hear some hearts shattering). Despite having only picked up soccer when she entered hall, she has been an outstanding role model, committing time, sweat, blood and tears into learning the sport, first as a keeper in year 1 and now open to new positions out in the field. She’s certainly a keeper, isn’t she?
This reporter can also literally feel the heat from Ali’s passion burning when she starts to talk about soccer. With the recent haze situation, she claims that she “would still choose to train if I [she] had a choice” because “training time is precious” and there is “only less than 6 months before IHG”. Her most recent instagram post further proved her crazy dedication as she did the Insanity Workout with ex-captain Kellyn Wong in the haze. Way to go, Ali! With such a dedicated character at the helm, Eusoff is shaping up well as defending champions of the ladies’ soccer gold.
Not forgetting the male soccer team (opps), comments from freshies about their captain, Clarence “Chubby” Chew, were equally...interesting to say the least. Apparently his attractiveness has left a couple of star-struck freshies speechless and drooling at the sight of his “sexy calf muscles”. After calming these male freshies’ raging hormones, further probing for some insights to his abilities on the field unveiled captain Chubby Chew’s natural secret talent - excessive sweating! This is no normal feat, as someone once said that the presence of Chubby Chew may in fact blossom an oasis in the middle of the Sahara Desert and for now he is just helping to water the entire field. A helpful individual finally mentioned that he “plays in the centre midfield position, controlling the pace and flow of the entire team’s game”. We now know for sure that Chubby likes to be the dominant one in relationships involving balls and a multitude of sweaty men, with Chubby sweating the most.
Clarence “Chubby” Chew and his sexy calf muscles sweating it out on the fields.
After hearing so much about Chubby Chew, this reporter came prepared with an umbrella and raincoat to meet up with this multi-talented captain. After talking to him for a mere few minutes, it’s readily apparent that he is a calm and collected (sweating) individual who is extremely caring. To circumvent the disruptions caused by the recent haze, captain Chubby has been flexible and has since organised soccer trainings in the function hall instead to protect his beloved team from the unhealthy PSI levels. Using sweat to water grass at the field, protecting his teammates from haze, Eusoff Expeds’ head, Chubby is certainly in running for the “Most Caring Eusoffian of the Year” award! And perhaps, this heart of gold of his can translate to a gold medal for the male soccer team this year?
Level-headed and down to earth, Chubby is “organised and knows what he wants to achieve for the team” as noted by one freshie, and “I think he’s a damn good captain leh”, claims another. Rumour has it that the only things that can waver his concentration are cockroaches (or basically any insects) and the Spongebob and Patrick toys in his room. Eusoff is without a doubt lucky to have such a fearless and mature individual heading our male soccer team.
Additional fun-fact: Other than having two exceptionally outstanding captains, Eusoff’s soccer team also has two dedicated team managers, Louise and Dennis, who were the best female and male team manager of IHG 14/15 respectively. We can expect both teams to be in extremely good hands this year (and share some welfare with other teams leh)!
Wishing both soccer teams all the best for this season; train hard, train safe, and do us proud. Eusoff to the fore!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
BASKETBALL
Written by: Vanessa Cheong
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Ivan Koh
1 Oct 2015
Shooting, stealing and running – this is starting to sound like a thieving activity, no? Actually, it’s just your resident (basket) ballers shooting hoops, stealing balls from their opponents and running across the court. This reporter spent some time with our friendly basketball captains, Jonathan (Jon) Teo and Eunice (牛-nice) Lim, in hopes of scoring some points and learning more about the sport we see all over the neighborhood.
No one gets in the way of Eusoff's very own bull, Eunice (牛nice) Lim.
This reporter has learnt that besides all the dribbling, passing and occasional “hitting”, there is method to the madness on the court. Basketball uses a few bombastic words for positioning – center, power forward, small forward and point guard, but behind the terms are less confusing meanings. The tallest and strongest play center or power forward, the most agile plays small forward, and the shortest one with the best ball-handling skills plays point guard. Well, there are exceptions but it doesn’t come as a surprise that Eunice plays power forward, with her 牛(bull)-like behavior to bulldoze anyone who stands in her way. With that, this reporter can’t help but wonder – could Jonathan’s spectacular “ball-handling” skills be the reason why he plays point guard?
Jonathan showing off his spectacular “ball-handling” skills.
“It’s not the size of the man in the fight, but the size of the fight in the man.”
Jokes aside, when asked the serious question about IHG goals, both captains chime in unison – it is YELLOW gold that is on their minds. Both know it’s not an easy task, especially with the difficult opponents that the female team has drafted, but in defeating tough opposition, twice the pride, double the fall, right? The fire in the captains’ eyes is certainly burning bright.
This reporter then felt inclined to ask if the teams have players that would bring them to their coveted title, but both captains politely declined to answer. If being humble is a key quality of basketball captains, both Jonathan and Eunice have got it perfected to a tee. It seems that team spirit is of utmost importance to our Eusoff basketballers, and that it will take everyone to put in their best foot and perform their role to perfection. No pressure, basketballers, but it would be lovely to see you all balling.
The gossipmonger in this reporter also felt the urge to dig for some juicy news, but was shut down immediately with resounding choruses of the word “NO”. It was only when both captains were asked for their choice of jersey number that this reporter found something fishy. Jonathan chose 6 due to it being the multiple of the date and month he was born in, while Eunice chose 9 “just because (she) likes it”. Ladies and gentlemen, isn’t it clear to everyone what 6+9 equals to… Of course it’s 15, the number of players in the main team for basketball!
It is beautiful to see that the two captains’ passion goes beyond the time they have committed to the sport. For Eunice, she only picked up the sport in JC, whereas Jonathan has been playing since the tender age of 9. The love for basketball leaves them both convinced that they will be playing basketball late into their years. Jonathan sees himself still shooting hoops at the age of 60, while the maternal instincts in Eunice makes her see the need to propagate and have a family of basketball prodigies. Now that is a sight many will be keen to behold.
Future plans aside, this reporter wishes the basketballers all the best in this season of IHG! Watching the captains speak so passionately leaves this reporter in high hopes and expectations. Keep balling, basketballers!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
BADMINTON
Written by: Tok Xie Ying
Edited by: Lim Jing Wen & Jason Fong
Photographs by: Kevin Yeong
30 Sept 2015
How does a badminton game work? We have 2 sides of a court separated by a raised net, and 1-2 people on each side hitting shuttlecocks to and fro. Pretty self-explanatory unless you’ve been skipping PE lessons throughout your life.
Leading our very own Eusoff Badminton team this year is Bryan Soh-Handsome & Tan Yan Qing. When asked to talk about each other’s team, both captains sang only praises.
This year, our girls’ team is set out to face some challenging competition while Lady Luck shines on the guy’s grouping this year. But Captain Yan Qing holds strong belief in the abilities of her team, promising that this year’s competition will be an interesting and exciting one to watch. Despite Yan Qing’s humorous and goofy exterior, rumour has it that when it’s down to training, she’s as serious and fierce as a raging kitten whose chew toy just got stolen.
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Captain Yan Qing giving no mercy to anyone eyeing her prince charming decked in white.
While her eyes are already glued to a male dressed often in white from a certain neighbouring hall, Yan Qing still believes that her TM, Kenny, is top-notch boyfriend material, evident when performing his duties. From taking care of their hydration levels, forking out his own money for isotonic drinks, all the way to caring for the welfare of the girls, Kenny does it best for his girls. Well, this might just one of his many tactics in his playbook? Be careful, badminton girls...
The guys’ team this year is led by our very own 2014 Engine pageant boy, Captain Soh-Handsome (maybe that’s why lady luck chose to side them this year). An experienced and versatile cock-shuttling player who has been playing for more than 15 years, it seems that the guys’ team have gotten their very own Lee Chong Wei. Other than being good at badminton, rumour has it that this multi-talented captain is also brilliant as a bodyguard/photographer/chauffeur for girls on overseas trips!
Captain Soh-Handsome ready to display some smashing cock-shuttling techniques
Bryan’s focus on the team is beyond stellar, as it appears that while being entirely concerned with the team’s transport to their training venue, he had completely forgotten about Captain Yan Qing who was left behind waiting for him. Little did he know Yan Qing is the Woman Who Can’t be Moved and “was waiting for him on the corner of the street”. Well except for that certain someone who lives nearby.
It is without a doubt that Captain Bryan is a devoted leader not only to his team, but a true yellow Eusoffian as well. Despite his commitment as Captain, Bryan is dabbling in Volleyball and Dance Production as well this year. Dancing, balls and cock-shuttling… what more can one ask for?
When asked to spill some inner secrets of each other, both captains merely looked at each other and laughed sheepishly. The chemistry between captains Bryan & Yan Qing is undeniable. Or maybe some things just can’t be disclosed?
Alongside their TMs, Eusoff’s badminton team is right on track towards IHG!
Signing off,
SMC Publications
